Moving the goal post

I had a friend over for dinner recently, and afterward we did some Tarot cards. She pulled a card that told her to pause and realize she had everything she needed. We both reflected on how true that felt. Earlier in the night, she had shared life updates that were genuinely wonderful. She has an amazing husband, a job that lets her work from home and provides a great salary. She has a new creative hobby she’s loving and lives in a fantastic neighborhood.

And yet, she wondered (as we all do!) - is it enough? Should she set new goals, find an even better job, buy a house, or monetize her hobby? While the card was a powerful reminder to be fulfilled, actually feeling fulfilled can sometimes be a hard thing to do. We are always moving the goal post.

There are lots of reasons it can be difficult to sit with our current achievements and not want more, and some healthier than others. Often, we get a small hit of dopamine, that an emotional boost, when we reach a goal. It feels good, and we want more. The boost is usually temporary, so we keep searching. Perhaps the next time seeking an even bigger goal for a bigger boost. Achievements can become addictions to some people, always wanting the reward.

Additionally, we often set very high standards for ourselves (or accept those set by others). Labels tied to our income, job title, zip code, or social status, can keep us stuck in “keeping up with the Joneses” mindset. Constantly comparing ourselves to others and what we do or don't have. And then there’s the familiar trap of perfectionism - a personal unfavorite of mine! Being overly critical of who we are, what we do, and how we define success. Nothing ever feels good enough when we’re chasing an impossible standard of perfection, leaving us feeling less than and unsatisfied.

In yoga philosophy, there is a reminder to embrace this moment and allow ourselves to be fulfilled right now. The niyama (personal observance) of santosha, which means contentment. It is the practice of finding joy and satisfaction in the present. To acknowledge our lives with gratitude for what we have and let go of longing for what we lack. Santosha shows us that who we are, what we’ve accomplished, and what we have is enough. It also means releasing the “shoulds” of past, present, and future, so we can fully immerse ourselves in now.

At the heart of it, moving the goal post is deeply human. Shaped by our biology, psychology, and culture. But it doesn’t have to define us. By practicing contentment, gratitude, and presence, we can begin to celebrate what is rather than endlessly chasing what could be. Perhaps the real measure of a meaningful life isn’t in what we achieve next, but in how fully we appreciate what’s already here. Pause, notice, and be in what is.

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